A Blog by Stacey Jo Doornbos

A Blog by Stacey Jo Doornbos

as a child what did you picture life would look like when you grew up? was there a white dress? a family? a career as a movie star?

i'm not sure why but growing up i never pictured my future. i don't remember wanting to get married. or longing to be in a certain profession. i had no expectations. until recently.

it didn't hit me until after college. i want a family. a home. to be close to the ocean. i want to travel. and show my kids the world. i want to live in a close community. i want to make sure i never take myself to seriously. i want to make sure i bring joy to everyone i know. i want to love...all the time.

its a little scary to have things that i want. life is a lot easier when you just live being happy with whatever comes. and i am happy...more then happy. but i am trying my best to let the things i dream of to feel welcomed into my life.

saying this all. i would have never guessed as a child that life would be this amazing. i think my reality now is better then any dream i would have had growing up. life is all to good. and i am more then grateful.

i love my now. and i look forward to my future.

i am today. wishing it didnt take so long. for equality. for understanding. for health care rights. for gay rights. for education. i wish the newest generation could come into a world were all is equal...or at least were they have health care and could marry anyone they loved. and maybe one where we weren't at war. that would be nice too.

but change takes time. equality takes time. and fear is the scariest thing to get over.

and i ramble...make little sense sometimes. but i do know. that in 100 years all new people. and all the same problems.

hello world.

wow how you change on a dime. in the most wonderful moments in time. i think back to how beautiful this life has been for me. incredibly beautiful. gratefulness is flowing out of every inch and centimeter of me. i hope i show that. i hope i live that.

i do not deserve. and you do. i guess we all deserve happiness and love and opportunities. i want that for you. and i am thankful when it comes to me. and it has.

i think the thing i am learning right now in the midst of this greatness is that the best things in life. are not fame or success. those are funny. but not the best..the best things are still the simple things: family, friends, and love.

i have been wowed to tears these past weeks. but the moments when i am in awe is still in times of love. how good to know the greatest happiness. the most perfect times are for everyone's taking. are free. and here.

these weeks of amazement will end. they will. but love will continue.

i am so thankful.

this is the end. of something.

i took down all the pictures hanging in my office that the kids have drawn for me over the past two years. my parents came yesterday i took home everything (furniture and all) that i'm not bringing to orlando. and i'm changing my address. this portion of my life is almost done.

and yet this past weekend reminded me that life has a way of never really changing. i still love who i love. i still believe what i believe. i still am at the core who i have always been. and these facts are indeed basic. yet when one is searching. finding which labels they want to stick on themselves...and when those labels are often surprising to the person. the idea that i have never actually changed is affirming. (and a little scary).

but there is peace. i knowing sometimes its hard to get over things. to move on. to be in the moment. to not wish that this or that happened. or i made a different choice.

still. we move on. i am moving on. leaving some things in this city and taking all the love and the lessons i learned here with me. to where ever i go. orlando...california...europe...brooklyn...who knows. and i am taking a deep breathe before i leave, knowing that there are so many more things to learn. and so many more times i will realize i am just me. and that is good enough.

everyday of my life there are little wow moments. times when i remember how beautiful the world is or how powerful love is. then there are BIG wow moments. when you are just floored by the craziness of the situation. the first time going to the tony awards...my first night hike...and such. today was one of the biggest wow moments of my life. Orlando made the official announcement today: Kyle and I are in the top 10 for 67 Days of Smiles!!! my heart can't stop racing! I am thrilled to head down to Orlando next week for interviews and fun-filled activities! follow every step of our journey in the minutes and day to come!

www.kyleandstaceysmile.com

my summers before i moved to the city were spent in the michigan woods. teaching kids how to canoe, telling stories around a camp fire, and making s'mores. those were the most amazing summers of my life: the most amazing experiences.

at night far after the sun went down we would take walks in the woods. the trees were so full of leaves that even the moonlight had a hard time coming through. before your eyes adjusted to the darkness it would be hard to even see your hand if you put it right in front of your eyes. eventually you would see. but never clearly, just a hazy outline of the path and trees. maybe a few red raccoon eyes here and there. and still we walked. never really knowing what was 5 feet in front of us. we trusted that we knew the path well enough from our hikes during the day. you trusted. and it was beautiful. in the simplest of ways.

to be there. with the moon. the shooting stars. the maple trees. and with the darkness. to know every time we started a night hike that my eyes would adjust and it would be fine. the path in front of me would show up as i walk.

it will show up. it always does in life. i trust.