the decade of identity. i mean we all go through it, right? im not the only one on this treasure hunt seeking out happiness. love. purpose. a home. i know i can't be. this is what modern times has granted us: a whole decade to find ourselves and define ourselves. and what does it inevitably turn into? years of constant change. people moving to new york. getting rash haircuts. finding new friends. new apartments. trying new career paths. having some joys and some let downs. in the end we all ask ourselves if this is the life we wanted. i mean lets be honest: our life up to this point was built so we could be happy now. between our parents feeding us. paying for schooling. studying. working minimum wage jobs. building a resume...all of it. has been so we could be successful and happy right now. pressure. so we ask? are we happy??? some days yes. and then the day will come that we say no. for any number of different reasons. so we respond. we look around the next corner to see if our happiness is there: graduate school, different belief systems, new cities or new friends. and usually we will find our happiness there: but only for a fleeting moment. because as the lesson goes; happiness is either in you or its not. you receive fame, win the lottery, find great love: soon enough the burst of happiness that came along with that will sneak out the back door and leave you searching for another corner. to find another burst. today i am there...wanting to find that new great feeling of a new source of happiness. BUT im forcing myself to stop. lay in the level of joy i am in. and find a new definition of happiness. one that doesn't come along with a change or an 'if only' scenario. i mean i am content. warmly content with my life. maybe its true that my butterfly crush feelings toward nyc are slowly creaking out the backdoor. but it is good. i am good. and happiness is always good. whatever it means for you. and whatever you need to do for it to be with you.
Update, check-out where I'm working now: Send Flowers.
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