life is constant. i know that this may seem like an elementary principle, but its true. this morning when i opened my door to my office and sat down i couldn't help but ask myself "can you do this?". i know that i have love for my kids deep inside of me. i would and do sacrifice for them. they come into my office after school and give me the biggest hugs, sit with me when they need to cry, and tell me when they get their first kisses. they come seeking love from me. and they know they will find it. but i'm drained. i finished after school for the year this past friday and start summer camp in two weeks. as i look forward to the year ahead i know things need to change. i need to show myself more love if i'm going to be able to show my kids the love they deserve. more love. more love? but that begs to ask the question, how can i show myself more love? chocolate, chinese, bike rides, happy hour, office marathons? all these things i do when i'm worn out. but that just isn't love. i'm lost at what love is. will it have to come from another person? or is there a way that i will be able to do this love giving on my own?.
this past year for me has been all about giving. me giving. which is wonderful in so many ways. i have found purpose in my giving. being the shoulder for a friend to cry on. the person to talk to. the one who will listen to yelling when someone needs to get it out. i'll sit why a parent talks to me about being a teenage mother. or not having enough money for christmas presents. i hug the child who doesn't know when they will see their father next. i listen to my family as they cry about the affects of cancer. i know in all this giving i have grown. grown in my friendship, my connections with the families i work with, and with my family. but i have also grown as an individual. i have had to mourn the loss of some idealism and youth. but i have become strong. i've had to face head on the challenges the ugliness of the world throws at us. and keep going. and keep going. and keep going.
so as oliver said "where is love?" i could use a little more to fill me up. so i can pass it on. cause when it all comes down to it i'm guessing that for many years to come i will have to be able to keep giving my all. and i will have to keep going. so love if you are there, stop by in harlem.