i made french toast early this morning. before i headed into work. it was delicious and reminded me i should eat breakfast more.

ok so its a snow day. and i googled love. im interested. ive been thinking about love's limitations a lot. you know? those who say 'because i love you. i want to tell you that you are hurting yourself by ________(fill in the blank)'. is love acceptance of someone at all costs? acceptance of them when they live inside your denifitions? acceptance of them only when they give what you want?

does judgement-fear-honesty-secrets...do they have a role in love? do i love people if i am not completly honest with them (especially about the big things in life). what if they do not want to hear...are they in turn not loving me?

this brings me to my next point. wiki said that love is not only a noun but a verb, of course. so could someone have love for me (noun) but not love me (verb). there is a seperation there. and am i only in love when i have both? love noun+love verb=real great LOVe. huh.

i want to love the universe. the good things and the bad things. i want to love my taxi drivers. the homeless man on the corner. the mcdonalds employee who makes my hot chocoate. strangers. dogs (im working on it). friends. lovers. family. oh i WANT to love.

love as defined (by wiki):

Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal attraction. Love is not a single feeling but an emotion built from two or more feelings. Anything vital to us creates more than one feeling, and we also have feelings about our feelings (and thoughts about our feelings). This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.

i like the idea of love not being its own feeling: but a combination of multiple feelings. and that it is sooo CRaZy hard to define. its good and complicate and not that important and very important.

ok. so. what is the line. the feelings. the hiding agenda. the complications. the underlying meaning. the assumptions. with love???

in the end. i want to love you where you are at. for who you are. your joys. your flaws (of what you think are your flaws). you tears. your cranky mornings. and loud nights. i want to be there. with no judgement. no assumptions. no underlying meanings except that i am here. cause i love you.

maybe its selfish. 'do unto others as you want done unto you' right? of course! i seek to be loved where i am at. with little judgement and a whole lot of laughs. to me. that is what love is.

sooo. i will try. to love you.