i am not detail orientated. my work. my room. my lack of calenders around me all reflect this fact. but in my mind, when it comes to "planning" my life i have the tendency to decompose the details: 'if i do this, what will happen?' like my life is a choose your own adventure book. i could go on a hike with julia on page 58 or to back to school on page 90 and i have to decide. and as i flip to page 58 (the clear winner) i am holding my breathe hoping the hike doesn't bring me to a devastating ending. i do this in my mind with reality all the time. should i call him? if i write this what will she think? if i decide to go to school too, what will be the effects? and i think and i think and i think myself into the ground about the details to scared to just flip the page. when in the end i'm not going to know the difference. what happens is what happens. and joy and love and beauty and mystery and friendship will be here for us, for you, for me no matter what chapter or page we are on. i need to stop double guessing myself. take a deep breathe. enjoy every moment. every word. laugh and be.