I write music. All the time. on paper. In my head. On the bus. In my room. It’s the most organic, honest, and therapeutic thing I do. And for a long time…it was just for me. For me to celebrate. Or mourn. Or explain. Or enjoy.

Being in front of people (not just 2…like usual) and playing…and singing these lyrics that I wrote for her or him…knowing what they meant to me when I wrote them (and what they mean to me now). Opening up in that space…was scarier then i EVER could have imagined it to be. And more beautiful then I ever thought it would be. Singing my music live…man, its like pulling out my heart and letting it talk: my confessions, my longings, my needs, my weaknesses…and letting anyone who wants to pay a 5 dollar cover listen in :).

My mind was bouncing from one thought to another the whole time I was up there: how much I am loved…to why the hell am I doing this…opps I totally just went flat…eeeeee…oh man my music is adorable…is that what i want to be? adorable…oh crap everyone’s looking at me….whats the lyric??? oh my!!! thoughts.

Funny thing is. When I was done with it. I wasn’t the greatest or even all that good. But singing is a fear of mine, and I did it…so in my mind that was amazing. And now? Im addicted. Singing live is like riding a rollercoaster. i might be scared to my bones…but when you are done…you feel so proud and your adrenaline is sooo high…its like ok that shit was awesome.

I don’t know. Maybe this whole thing is just about proving something…mostly to myself that I was wrong. My senior year in high school I visited the college I ended up going to…while I was there I saw their improv team perform. The team was really small…and hard to get into it. After the show was done I told my dad I wanted to be on the team…he’s response was that I should just enjoy the shows…its hard to get on. Oh man, then I REALLY wanted to do it…so I tried out and got on. In the end? yea I totally wasn’t that good, but I know it was about more about making the team then actually doing improv.

Sooo…connecting this: my whole life I have been a crappy singer. Im not lying. Everyone knows it…they told me. It was a running joke J when I was in a musical the sound guys would turn off my mic during the songs…oh man.

I have to prove myself wrong. When I think I can’t…that’s when I always try an insane amount to see if I really can. I didn’t grow up in a family that said, ‘you can be anything you want to be’ and now that im actually starting to believe that…im going to test that principle to the limit.

Anyway…lesson of the week: do not let anyone tell you that you can’t do something, even yourself. Yup…cheesy quotes are sometimes the way to go.