how the hell did i get here??? i really don't know. but i LOVE it. really L O V E it. life is insane.

we spend are childhood and adolescents creating us. trying things out and failing and trying something else. seeing what we are good at. what we actually like to do. who we enjoy surrounding ourselves with. starting to dress and define ourselves in particular ways. people say, "oh you will be this or that...you will be a kind person...or you are going to change the world...such and such". all these adults around us tell us that they can't wait to see us grow-up. we are being and we are creating.

then hello today comes. the day when we have created. we are living and doing and grown (ish). of course we are still changing. but at 24, we are something. we are no longer building definitions around us, but we are living in the definitions we have written these past years. we have found the people we enjoy, the jokes we like, the passions we have. we are in this crazy 'adulthood'. we are of course just as blank minded and awkward. YEt...we are who we are.

as i was meeting with a parent in my program, one of my kids came into my office to pick up a pencil. while she was going through the pencil drawer the 2nd grader looked at me and asked "ms. stacey do you have any kids". nope, not one...and not for awhile. she informed me that i should have kids. then the parent asked me how old i was....i told her, 24. i can't explain the reaction in the way it actually happened. this women took a deep breathe in and said she had to sit down. i was laughing so hard. she was freaking out. i asked her how old she though i was...she said by maturity, 30 or 32. then she just sat there, eyes wide open saying, "24 year old white girl working with inner city kids" she said it over and over again. now if she only saw the mess in my room she would know better. but maybe the crazier part of this story for me is that i feel like i'm 16 most of the time. 30...i hope i'm a lot more organized when i'm actually 30.

the same women came into my office today to give me a christmas gift. it was lotion with the word 'seduction' in the title. i smiled, said thanks...and told her that i might get a little love in my life if i wear this stuff. without a beat she said, "girl...you already have LOVE in your life''. she is more then right.

i leave for home (michigan) in 20 minutes. i haven't been there in 8 months. its always wonderful and amazing to see all these people i grew-up with. it reminds me how great life is. how thankful i am for everyone who couldnt wait to watch me grow up. and home shows me how much i have grown.....and how much i will always stay that little dutch girl who loved to climb trees.